Where do We Go from here

Today I find myself at the crossroad of decisions. I have reached a dead-end, and can only go in two directions, left or right. To the left of me is my own desire to screw every Ryan, Trey, or Antwuan that pass my way. To the  right is God's desire for me to get married and have children. To the left of me is my un-denying willingness to just settle, and become satisfied with this state of mind I'm currently in. To the right is God's spirit pushing toward his will of happiness, and total completeness. To the left of me is a tug toward a minimum wage lifestyle, and to the right is my greatness. To the left is depression and misery masked in instant gratification or quickies. And to the right is Gods' promise to me of abundant life. DO YOU GET MY POINT?

I am in at the crossroad of decisions about my future,and no one can help me but me, and my prayer life with God. I have been in this valley for six years now, and I haven't moved as fast as I should. I have let my struggle handle me, more then I should have been handling it. I gave in too many times to my own shortcomings, more times then I can count. Even in the midst of all my mess, He was there, and helped me out all the time. God knows all this, even as I stand at this crossroad He knows what turn I should take, but He isn't going to make it for me. I have to do it for myself. But my problem isn't making the turn, the problem is turning away from what I know all too well, the things I've gotten used too, the only 'family' I know, other then my true blood. Turning away from memories of my best relationships, taking off the rags of my struggle, for a crown of fulfillment, and peace. But these rags fit so well, the memories are too good to let go of. My friends are the best of anybody else I met. But under my goofiness, and shyness, the crying never stops. The longing to do more with my life is never satisfied. The hunger to be famous, want go away. My dreams are tugging on me everyday, and all I do is ignore them. I talk about doing better, but my feet never move.  

I'm at the crossroad of decision, and I have to decide or else I'm going to lose my life.

Dante' Ruck

=U