This is the LAST time.

I hear voices but not from people around, im in the car by myself, on my way to HIS house. Music pulsating in the background. And I hear voices, the voice between good & evil. These voices don't have a face, only pure & inpure motives. Talking and lauffin' with dude on the phone, as he gives me directions. And the whole time there's a war going on in me. I say to myself, "God are you serious? I thought I left you at church". How can I fit in with this struggle within me, between what is good for me, and what seems good, but really is just a road to my destruction. I see good as my allie and evil as enemy. I see evil as something that seems well, but doesn't mean well for me. Kinda like a friend who gives you the advice you want to hear, only to reap the reward of seeing you fall in return.

Good says, I'll keep you from failing,

Evil says, I hope you fail.

I don't know what I prayed Sunday at church, but this time I see the intent of evil, it has laid the cards out on the table, and given me the option to choose. Evil is the type of friend that sets the date up for you, knowing what you want, exactly what you like, knowing your preference. And introduces you to the person knowing they got HIV, or knowing they got a reputation for being a hoe or a dawg. This time I see the path of evil, I see the path so clear, till' this time I see the destruction at the end of it.
Oh how it looks so tempting, he has set me up nice. My friend knows what I want, I have all the freedom in the world to do this. It has been a long time. I've been doing so good, I think I owe it to myself. I should just blow this moment. Say, 'fuck Jesus' and do me. Tonight. I should just bail out on God, and become BFF's with my addiction, my affliction. When you protect what God doesn't approve, you become its allie, and God's enemy. This will be my last time as I've said a 100 times before. When I'm ready to return, God will take me back. I've done good so far staying away from men, eventhough they have thrown every sign and hint at me. I've done good by walking the other way, it will just be one night with dude. It will just be one night with a drink, just one more time for me to get wasted. Hold my hand thru this Jesus. It won't hurt me. God will bail me out as he has done 10,000 times before. I'm going to dude house, and I will leave Jesus at the door, no matter of fact, Ima leave him waiting in the car.  I was just in church sunday singing about God You're the fire in light,when nights are long and cold. But how much can God keep me warm when I've had a few shots, and his sweet kisses are all I think about. You foolish to believe that God is in the world. I'm taking a chance, I'm taking a risk. It's funny how we call ourselves risk takers, only when we're willing to risk the right things, for the wrong reasons. It's funny I can't take a risk when it comes to my relationship with God, but I'm willing to take a risk that can ultimately kill me. It's like a bad gamble.  I'm standing outside this nigga door, and I get convicted.

God speaks,

"What are you doing here? You know you aren't suppose to be doing this. What happened to getting your life back on track? Why are you using my grace, and pimp-handling my protection to satisfy a disease you've asked me over and over to cure you from. Your prayers have no weight, they are just words with no meaning. If you walk thru that door, then I will leave you for good. If you take another sip of that ciroc` say goodbye to your dreams. If you take another pull at that jay, kiss your lyfe away. You know you shouldn't be doing this. What about all the talks we've had about getting it right, about how we gone be together for good. I told you I love you, but I guess that doesn't mean nothing from me. I guess you rather hear it from him, since he knows you better then I do. Are you that willing to throw it all away for ONE NIGHT?! Well this is it, if you walk thru that door this time it won't be for chance. This time it will be for good.

When will the last time be the last time?

There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way to death (Proverbs 14:12)

=U
-Tru Religion